Back in the Saddle

If you follow this blog, you have definitely noticed we have been on hiatus.  Zac’s last round of expansion left us all a little gun-shy as it would any family.  I remember when Dr. Bauer told me after Zac’s last removal that it might be good to take a longer break….longer than the 4 month separation between surgeries.  I remember tearing up.  My first thought was, ‘I can’t take a break…I NEED to get this DONE!!”  When I asked Dr. B about it the next day, he assured me that he mentioned the break mainly for my benefit.  WOW – I must’ve looked like a real basket case. 

I thought six months would be a good break.  I thought it would give Zac’s skin ample time to heal and it would let us all enjoy some time to be ‘normal’ and it was FABULOUS!!!  Zac started pre-school a few weeks ago and loves it, what a big little man he is getting to be.  Still an absolute flirt and joyful spirit.  I scheduled the surgery for late July, and then come June, I pushed the surgery back to September, not because of Zac…because of me (ok, and partly because the humidity in Chicago in July is disgusting – I am a dry heat girl).  I am blessed to know so many families who travel this journey with me.  They have ALL had at least one round of expansion that did not go the way it was planned to.  So, I began to feel a little disappointed in myself that I couldn’t quite get over my fear of getting back in the saddle on this thing.

Zac's First Day of Preschool

Most everyone knows that Zac and I typically travel to Chicago solo.  This is not only because it is more affordable, but because it allows my daughter to stay in school and my husband to continue working so at least one of us is earning a paycheck.  I have become an AMAZING TRAVEL MOM!  (Travel Tips to follow ;)  I really don’t mind it.  Sure I could use at least one extra limb at times or someone to simply sit in the car with Zac while I run in to get some food or grab something out of the room, etc.  Which reminds me…did I tell you about the time I was checking out of Ronald McDonald House and  I was trying to get all my luggage and Zac (who was in a stroller at the time) into the elevator—let’s just say, I am glad it was not Zac who was in the elevator all by himself until my luggage returned to my floor a very long three minutes later!!!  And for those of you staying at RMH – those elevators doors are quick!

Anyway…enough travel down memory lane…to get to the point, I had such high anxiety about this trip that I was literally going down a list in my head. Zac is older, how will he react, how am I going to keep it together, how this, how that…how, how, how??  I am completely aware of the fact that how Zac reacts to this surgery will be a direct result of how I react.  Some may disagree, but I know this to be true.  The more anxiety you have about surgeries and filling the expanders – the more your child will react to your emotions.

When I explained my anxiety to my fellow moms (you know who you are and I love you to the moon and back!) they calmly (kicked me in the you know what and) reminded me that 1.  I have done this before - - lots of times.  I CAN do this and that I WOULD just do this – because this is what we do.  2.  “No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”  3.  Baby steps…one step, one day at a time.  There is no sense worrying about things that haven’t happened.    

So, I am going to get back on the horse and ride this one out…please pray that the trail is slow and easy and the conditions are mild – and that there’s time to stop and smell the cactus blooms – (okay well, those don’t really smell but there just aren’t that many roses in Arizona – I am sure you get the picture).